Monday, September 14, 2009

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Dear Bailey

Oh, Bailey Asher. Your mommy misses you so much. I keep thinking this will get easier, but your presence is so large in its absence and so loud in its silence. I miss you being here, in this house. I miss your excited bark every time I open the car door in the driveway and coming home is always hard. I miss you hogging the bed and me having to fight for covers. So many things that were yours are gone now, because you're not here to need the dog bowls or the beds or the rugs. I even miss our crazy medicine schedule, and I find it hard to go to bed early after so many months of staying up late for your nighttime doses.

I feel like I am missing an arm, or a leg, or some important part of myself. You have been with me since I was 16, only one year shy of half my life. We sort of grew up together. I haven't quite figured out how to be without you yet. You will always be my baby, my first child. I feel like I have lost a part of my identity. I am no longer a dog owner, though I will always be your mommy.

As much as this hurts me, I am so glad that you are free! Relieved that your battle with DM is over and that you don't have to fight anymore. Glad to know that you can rest now. And I would love to believe in the Rainbow Bridge, and that you could be there now, running and chasing your frisbees, whole again.

I know eventually this will get easier, but you will always occupy a huge part of my memories and a space in my heart. You were such a good dog, so loyal and loving and protective and intelligent and fun. Brave and stubborn and determined and strong. I know I will have other dogs in my life, but none will ever replace you. You will always be my baby. I love you forever, sweet boy.

Mommy